Human
by corgoqueen
Summary: Kawoshin. Immediately following the events of 3.33, Kaworu departs with the promise of return and finding Shinji happiness. Meanwhile, Shinji begins to face his loneliness and self-hatred in a world without Kaworu. *This is essentially a continuation of the movie 3.33. If you haven't seen it there are major spoilers ahead! **Story originally published on my AO3 Account**
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first attempt at a Kawoshin fanfic-have mercy on my soul! I'm basically just continuing the story of the last movie. So some chapters might feel like a recap and others won't but I swear it's all for a reason! Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Comments are appreciated; I love feedback! *Hint: feedback keeps me motivated to keep writing ;) **

_Chapter 1:_

I was suffocated by sirens. A million lights flashing, alarms blaring-it was all too much. My body tremored under the tight seal of a plugsuit-as if every cell in my body was pulsing, screaming- _stop. What have I done? What have I done? I thought I was doing the right thing! _And suddenly there was an invisible wall between us that I pounded and pounded on until my knuckles popped-the agony of which was so minute-instantly lost in the totality of my gravest mistake.

I pounded my forehead against the invisible barrier, with tears dripping, my nose running, and scorching beads of sweat rolling down my spine sticking to my suit. _How could I let this happen? This is all my fault-everything is my fault...again! _

Deep watery sobs wretched my throat and I could do nothing but watch my mistake unfold. It should've always been me. It should've been me with the choker ready to detonate any second. _This fate was never meant to be yours...why did I let you take it from me? Why would you do this for me? How can I stop this?!_

"K-Kaworu….Kaworu!" I shouted his name like it was going to make time stop. Like it was going to reverse everything I had done. Like it was going to lock the choker around my neck instead.

I called for him again and again but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. Because I knew...I his face would be calm, serene, like it always was, even in the face of danger. It was so like him to be placid, to resonate with mercy.

_Was all of this going to be my fault? I did this...all of this?_

And then the light poured in through his voice. "It's not your fault, Shinji."

I looked up and I _saw_ him. I saw him for what he was-mercy and grace and divinity glowing through his ashen skin and scarlett eyes. I was not worthy of his grace…I was not worthy of love, especially his.

"This is happening because I've become the thirteenth angel. I'm the trigger, not you," he continued.

I could hardly bare to look at him anymore and the way he so easily accepted what was going to happen. How could he be so calm at a time like this?

"B-but...what...what am I supposed to do, Kaworu? How do I fix this?" I begged and pleaded with him as though he really had the answer. Kaworu was amazing...he had to have the answers. He _had _to.

"Listen to me Shinji…"

I pressed both of my hands against the barrier, desperately trying to hear his voice that rang like a lullaby.

"Even after your soul is gone, your wishes and curses still cling to this world. Your will will hue to the world as information, and transform it. It will even eventually rewrite your own history."

I cried harder, even though I did not understand. I didn't know what any of it meant. How could I? How could I process his words when the foundation of my psyche was crumbling, when the only person who had ever shown me love was _leaving_, was _sacrificing_ himself. And for what?

He spoke again, this time a little softer. "I'm sorry Shinji...this isn't the happiness you wanted or deserved."

_Happiness? I can never have that...not now...not ever. _Happiness had never been at a greater distance.

Kaworu's choker was now armed, sharp rubies hovered and circled his wasn't time left now. There was no more time. There was nothing.

"B-but...but you said amazing things happen when we're...when we're together, Kaworu...you said that! You said...you said-"

"I'll close the gates myself. I don't want you to worry anymore, Shinji." Finally, he frowned. HIs stare was blank, like he was experiencing something for the first time. _Kaworu don't you know what it's like to be scared? To feel sorrow...to..to… _

He took in a breath and his exhale shook with the slighest hint of what could only be fear. The whites in his eyes glistened. And for a split second, he looked human.

"I don't understand….Kaworu...I thought we….I thought we were…" _Unstoppable, a team, a force that could create change. _

Suddenly I was choking, I was screaming from a deep ache in my chest. My heart was breaking-it was literally shattering in front of me, inside of me, it was...impaled? Anguish washed over me and I instinctively hugged my arms around my torso, holding my broken spirit together in one piece. I wasn't expecting the physical pain. What was even happening? Why did it feel like a speer was slicing through my ribcage and electrifiing every nerve in my body?

"Keep looking, Shinji. I know you'll find peace in a place where you belong."

He sounded so confident, so sure of himself...but he always did, even when he was dead wrong.

I wanted to speak, and I wanted to plead but I screamed and I choked. My lungs were too full of LCL.

"I'm certain that fate will show you the way."

And then I couldn't see him anymore-I wanted to see him. I wanted to _see_ him. My eyes were glued shut but tears still cascaded off my cheeks and down my neck. _Kaworu!_

"Hey...try not to look so sad."

_How?! How Kaworu? Everything is over, everything is ruined because of me. _Despite my pain, I leaned against the invisible barrier one more time. I reached for him again. If I could just...if I could just…

"We'll meet again, Shinji. And when we do, I promise I'll guide you towards happiness."

"Kaworu!" I screamed his name one last final time and it was the last time I spoke his name out loud for a very long time.

"I'll protect you, Shinji. When you're ready."

Before everything turned red I saw him grin-the most beautiful, confident grin. It was like he knew exactly what the future had in store. And he was at peace with himself and what was left of the world. He made peace with the explosion of his physical form. In a great flash of red he was gone and all he left me was proof that he had ever been alive. The barrier dissolved and my hands were stained red. The taste of copper overwhelmed me. My face was warm and it was wet.

I blinked my eyes open and screamed. I screamed and tugged at my blood soaked hair until my voice was gone and my breath ran still.


	2. Chapter 2

I was numb. I was blank. And I was hollow. My consciousness, my awareness, the essence that made me whole, tended to flicker in and out, in and out, in a red bleary haze-until I was barely cognizant of my surroundings. I never had any recollection of being pulled out of the entry plug. I didn't remember seeing Asuka or Rei at the end. I was told all of these things... but my collection of memories stopped after Kaworu.

It was like the only constant thing in my life were the white walls, the slender twin bed, and the white collared shirt delivered to me every morning. Everything else was lost to me-visitors, doctors, any form of reasoning. I was blank.

There wasn't much left of Nerv but I returned, not by force but by choice. I never wanted to get inside an Eva again but I wanted to sit by the piano. I wanted to sit there with my arms wrapped around my knees and my head buried between my knees. I wanted to wait for him. In the whispers of the wind I heard keys playing, notes being touched-like our music still lingered in that space. But everything was quiet. There were no trees for the wind to tossle. No long ahsen fingers to ignite the music. There was only me and after a while I saw no reason to stay.

Since the near fourth impact, I had zero contact with my father, until a month went by and finally I was summoned. I didn't really understand what the state of the world even was. Were there still angels to destroy? Would there be more Evas? I couldn't bare the thought of piloting again. But at the same time, I wanted to be needed. I wanted to hear him say _We need you, Shinji. Nerv needs you. The world needs you._

"Shinji."

His voice shook me out of my daydream. For a moment, I was terrorized by the deep chill of his voice. He was going to reprimand me for failing . I knew it.

"You will be piloting a new Eva."

_What?_

I couldn't read him at all. His face never showed what he was thinking but the straight line across his lips told me he was serious.

"W-what?"

"You did well."

I did...well? What was he even saying? I was silent to his praise. I wanted to know more of the state of the world but I didn't have the energy to find words.

"Allowing Kaworu to wear the collar, without hesitation, was a wise sacrifice."

Suddenly I could feel the wall of tears rising behind my eyes. My breath hitched, my heart raced, I was going to be sick...

"No I-I...that wasn't what I-"

Father almost grinned, looking down at me with spiteful pride, arms crossed, eyes narrowing. It was like he hated the person he forced me to be and was so at ease with it.

"You manipulated the bond you shared so you could continue living".

I felt sick. On instinct my hand clapped over my mouth and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Only those with the will to live get to survive, Shinji."

Those words echoed in my head and reflected words that Misato had said to me once. A long, long, time ago...but I couldn't remember why or when exactly. I felt like I was remembering things that had never happened. A conversation with Misato on the beach...a similar feeling of guilt and grief sitting heavy in my chest.

My hand started to shake so I clenched it tight into a fist, squeezing nothing.

"I wish I had died instead...I didn't-didn't want it to be him! I w-would never...I would never deceive him just so I-"

My own memories stopped me from finishing. I would never deceive Kaworu, yet, this whole time, this whole time while we grew to love each other he had actually been...an angel. Kaworu was an angel, the enemy. But he took the form of a human. _Kaworu...why would you want to be human? And feel human pain...why would you choose that?! _

"You did what was asked, Shinji. Now, we need you to start synchronizing with the new Eva series."

I shook my head. I couldn't, I just couldn't. I could never go inside an entry plug again. I was certain, I was _positive_ that it would kill me. Afterall, I was still too numb. How could I even begin to fathom synchronizing with an Eva? My mind was still warped inside a red sticky haze-surely the Eva would reject a broken spirit.

"I…." It was hard to breathe. "I...can't. I won't….I...I," Suddenly my breath picked up into quick, sharp inhales. I felt unsteady-my gaze, spinning. No matter how many breaths I took, I couldn't get the air in.

"Psychological contamination will not be an issue. Continue to follow orders and I will see you in the Eva. Good bye, Shinji."

He started to walk off while I still had so many questions, so much to say but not the slightest bit of strength or courage to communicate it. My knees shook. My heart palpitated. I couldn't get air in until I collapsed in a heap on the cold hard floor. My eyes began to close and my trembling grew still.

I woke up in my room, the same room with the white walls, the thin cot, and the chute where my clothes and food were delivered. On this morning, an empty tray descended from the chute. I approached hesitantly, wondering why there was nothing. Then I saw it. A small blue pill.


	3. Chapter 3

I stared at the pill for a long while. I had lost track of little things like moments, and all the mini fragments that made up time. How long had it been that I stood there and simply stared at it? I wasn't sure but I was sure I couldn't trust what father had put inside it.

My thoughts danced with possibilities of what it could be-could it make me stronger...could it kill me?

I picked up the pill and simply pocketed it for the time being.

"Well..it's not like it came with instructions," I mumbled under my breath. I wasn't doing anything wrong. There were no orders.

I could only fathom that it had to do with piloting the Eva somehow. But all I could remember were the horrors an Eva can bring to a pilot unwilling to synchronize. I thought of being trapped inside a berserk Eva, completely surrendering all control. I wouldn't relive that again, I couldn't. Despite it all I just knew. I knew somehow I would be inside an Eva again that there really was no escape from this reality. This reality was all there was and all I would ever know. The crushing weight of my truth sunk me deeper into depravity. Maybe the only way out was in the Eva…

I left my room with purpose. I needed answers, I needed to see this new series of Evas and I needed to know what I had to do with it all. But Nerv wasn't what it was. There was no bustle, there was barely a sense of presence. It was empty and forsaken-really just a wide expanse of abandonment, long hallways, the endless escalators and the lonely piano. Or at least that was most of what I had seen.

"Hello?" My voice echoed off of crumbling walls and high ceilings. The only voice that returned to me was my own echo. Everything felt fruitless and miserable, like it really was just me, father, and this blue pill. Well, that was until she crossed my mind.

Rei Ayanami, maybe she-no she couldn't be...but maybe…

I walked to Rei's old quarters, hopelessly but with a slight drive of confidence. A few paces off I saw a warm orange glow . The kind of glow that could only signify presence. The books I had left behind for her were gone but the glow was undeniable. She had to be inside.

"Uh...Rei? Is that you?" My voice wavered into a whisper with my confidence fading.

Then, I saw a shadow and movement and russling of tent flaps. Was she really here?

"Rei!"

She stood before me bandaged, bruised, and in an entirely different plugsuit. Not white, not black, just grey. Grey at the body and white detailing. Wow, did she really sleep in that thing? Did she ever take it off? Did she have that much pride in being an Eva Pil-

"Hello, Shinji." She was monotone and flat. Her lips pursed in a straight line, eyes downcast and empty.

"R-Rei...you're really here...I thought that...I actually...I'm not sure what I thought."

She looked up at me blankly.

"You're hurt, aren't you?" I asked, unsure what else to say.

"No. I'm well enough to work."

"You mean...get in the Eva right?"

"Yes."

Silence. This couldn't really be Rei. It never was going to be the real Rei and there was almost no use in trying to talk to her like she knew me...knew us. This was just another Rei…another clone.

"So...there are Evas then…"

"Yes, Shinji. Why haven't you changed?"

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of what she meant by changed.

"Like...into my plug suit?"

"Yes."

Oh. Now I was really sure that I would never be free of the Evas and suddenly I felt like I was suffocating inside the entry plug-LCL in my lungs, panic rising, heart racing, skin sweating-

"Were you not informed of the testing launch? You should have received a suit. You are a part of the operation, Shinji."

My hands began to feel clammy and the color began to recede from my cheeks. A test operation? Already?

I fished through my pocket and found the blue pill. "No...I only got this," I opened my palm and showed Rei the pill. "I don't think I can get in the Eva as I am...I'm not...I feel like-"

"You should do as your told, Shinji." She looked down at the pill and back up at me, radiating a maternal authority. "Everything is to help you better pilot the Eva."

Those words echoed in my ear. _Pilot the Eva, pilot the Eva, pilot the Eva…._

"But I don't even know what it is!" I exclaimed, closing up my palm, hiding the pill again.

"If it was issued to you by Nerv, then you don't need to wonder such things, Shinji. You won't be able to pilot the Eva without it."

"What if I don't even want to pilot the Eva? I'm not-I can't." I dropped my head. I didn't have the blind programmed loyalty that Rei had.

"Fine. I'll pilot yours then, as I'm ordered to"

My chest tightened and my stomach dropped. Suddenly I was too aware of her bandages and bruises and willingness to sacrifice herself at whatever the cost. She wasn't the real Rei but she was still Rei...she was still Rei…she was in some sick unnatural way connected to me.

"No. Don't...don't do that."

"Ok."

I opened my palms again, stared down at the pill. "I'll take it. I'll go." Anything but Rei sacrificing herself again. Anything but that…

I placed the pill on my tongue, ready to swallow it dry but within a second it had rapidly dissolved on my tongue leaving behind a tingling warmth.

"Oh...it wasn't a pill after all." I nervously laughed. I waited in silence for a few moments as if its effects would actually happen that quick.

"So...do you know...do you know what happened to Asuka? She's not here, is she?"

Again, she stared at me blankly.

"I don't know."

_Thought so. _I sighed and turned around, feeling a warmth down my back. As I turned I almost expected to see someone but it was still just me and Rei. The warmth persisted. It felt...good?

As I came back to the present moment, Rei began walking away. I quickly caught up to her.

"Hey Rei, where are you going?"

She didn't stop. She didn't turn around. She kept walking.

"To run tests on the new Evas."

I laughed nervously, vaguely remembering her having mentioned that before. I didn't ask her if I was supposed to come or if I should go. For once, like Rei, I blindly followed. What other option was there?

When we arrived, I stopped remembering specifics very quickly. But the only certainty-the only image I kept in my heart was what looked like Unit 1 standing tall and unawakened, but on closer look I noticed slight differences in color-less prominent green highlights, pale yellow on the knees and forearms and a much higher spread of purple and black across its body. And then it's size. It was massive and more square in places. Too massive to be Unit 1. Looking up, I realized I was seeing Unit 13 not Unit 1. It was unawakened but in perfect condition-like nothing had ever happened at all. It had to b eUnit 13-the only Eva that was designed for not one but two souls.

"I have to go now, Shinji." Rei said as she walked away from Unit 13.

"R-Rei...is Unit 13 your Eva?"

She looked at me for a moment, with an unreadable expression. "No," she started, "It's yours."

"But that's not possible!"

Rei continued walking in the other direction, with nothing left to say to my protest.

"Are we gonna pilot it together?"

She stopped mid-step but failed to turn around.

"No," she stated.

I didn't have the will to stop her anymore. I watched her back as she walked away, likely to another room with another Eva. I watched her until it was only me and Unit 13 and the same warmth from before, crawling up my back and beginning to wrap around my torso, getting closer and closer to my chest until everything faded around me into a red comforting haze.


	4. Chapter 4

**So this one might me my favorite so far! I know you've got questions at this point but don't worry answers are on the way! I know we're all wondering where our best angel boy is, but have faith! This is a Kawoshin fic after all ;) Warning: if some parts seem suuuper repetitive here it is completely on purpose so don't be concerned if you feel a little dejavu or if you feel like you're reading the same line twice. Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

My face burned hot, my chest tightened, my palms burned and I felt paralyzed to the world around me. I sunk to the floor as my chest rose too much and fell too little. I felt like I was in a hurry like I had to be somewhere, somewhere else, I was supposed to be somewhere else…

_You're panicking-you're panicking. Just stop! Just breathe!_ I told myself, over and over again so that way it _had_ to be true. I was working myself up. I was _just_ scared.

_Breathe_. _Stop panicking, just breathe!_

I tried my best to look up but there was nothing other than an infinite blanket of white light. And that feeling returned, the warmth crawling up my back. I felt the light caressing my skin. I could hear the nothingness around me, speaking only in instinct, not words. And there it was _again, _the warmth up my back and the urgency to be somewhere else. I was somewhere else-I was supposed to be in-

_...in the Eva. I never wanted to back but this time-this time I just _had _to. Misato and the others gave me no other choice. Unit 2 was moving on its own and they needed me. They needed me to stop this. I had to pilot the Eva this time because the world really, really needed me to. And if I could do this-do this one thing right then maybe…_

_Suddenly Misato's voice echoed off the walls of the entry plug. _

"_Shinji I need you to listen to me and I need you to be calm, okay?" She spoke in a rush with urgency apparent. Ok, this would be important then. I was listening._

"_Kaworu Nagisa is an Angel and he's taken control of Unit 2. We don't have a lot of information but Shinji I need you to stop him from entering the Terminal Dogma. Do you understand?" _

_My face burned hot, my chest tightened, my palms burned and I felt paralyzed to the world around me. I sunk deeper into myself, berating my own consciousness. My chest rose too much and fell too little and it felt like I was in a hurry the way my breath was flowing faster than I could comprehend. _

"_That's a lie! You're lying...lying...you're lying!" I clenched the controls tighter and squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head in denial because it wasn't true. Kaworu wasn't an angel ...he was good...he was good and I was so sure of it. "Kaworu's a….he's an Angel?!" Even saying it didn't sound like it made any sense. I slammed my fist against the controls, shaking with the denial of it all. "That's not true!"_

"_Facts are facts. Just accept," Misato said coldly. "You need to launch. Are you ready?"_

_And so I realized there wasn't time to be in disbelief. I didn't have time to argue with the facts-I only had time to accept that everything I thought-the way he made me feel-the connection we established- was all fake. All of it. He...Kaworu betrayed me. And the only real lie was my own denial. _

_Unit 1 began descending and I had never been so eager to control it. To find Unit 2 and to find Kaworu and to be openly angry. Because that was the only thing that would help right now. I felt the heat of rage ignite my skin and begin to draw tears to my eyes. How could I have let him get so close to me? Why did I think anyone could love me? But _how _could I let him get so close to me?_

"_You betrayed me! You betrayed my feelings!" I shouted as if he could hear me and feel what I was feeling. "You betrayed me, just like father!" I suddenly felt the weight of that injustice, of the only people who were supposed to love me doing just the opposite. It felt like venom, stinging every cell inside me. _

_By the time I had reached level 4, I saw him. I saw Kaworu glowing in front of Unit 2-radiating peace. And for a moment I was calm because that was just the effect he had on me. _

"_Kaworu!" I shouted for him on instinct. I shouted because I still wanted him on my side despite everything. I wanted him to look at me with his mercy again. I wanted him to-_

_In a second I was locked into battle with Unit 2, all my focus returning back to the Eva, back to the moment and back to this reality-where both the strength of Unit 1 and 2 seemed almost equal. _

_For a second I looked to Kaworu again, watching him watch me. His face was calm, almost serene. "Kaworu! Stop it! Why are you doing this?!"_

_He looked up at me, this time with a twinkle in his eye and an air of something like sorrow._

"_The Evas and I are made of the same flesh. We are both born of Adam, you see. If it weren't for its soul I could merge with it."_

_In spite of the clashing and grinding of metal between the fighting Evas, I could still hear him perfectly like he was speaking right into my ear. _

_The blades of the Evas grinded against each other until sparks flew. I held steady for as long as I could until Unit 2 advanced with a jerking motion and suddenly my blade slipped._

_For a moment I was terrified. I was terrified I would actually hurt Kaworu. A quick rush of panic swept through me until my blade was stopped by an invisible barrier surrounding him. _

"_Is that an A.T. Field?" I asked. _

"_Oh that's right-that is what you Lillin call it. The sacred region none may violate. The light of the heart."_

_The blade pierced his A.T. field so forcefully that even I could see the light he spoke of. It was a blindingly white glow completely encompassing his form. And somehow even inside the cockpit of the Eva, I could feel its warmth-in the form of a tickling sensation up my back. I was calm again, if only for a second. _

"_Deep down you Lilin must know. The A.T Field is the inner wall that we all possess."_

_I was mad. I was confused. What did any of that even mean? _

"_How would I know anything about that, Kaworu?" I shouted back in sheer frustration. Why would he assume I know so much when really half the time I didn't know why I was inside the Eva and if my efforts even mattered. _

_He ignored my question and became lost outside of my field of vision. Before I could call out to him and beg him for more answers I became all too aware that my fight with Unit 2 was far from over as the inside of the cockpit rattled and my head slammed against the back of the seat. I looked over my shoulder to see Unit 2 grabbing hold of Unit 1's ankle. I had to finish this fight whether I wanted to or not...and it always seemed like that's what it came down to. I had to advance whether I wanted to or not. Whether I wanted to or not...there was never a choice. _

_It took everything I had to stop Unit 2, if not for Nerv, if not for humanity, then to find Kaworu again and finish speaking to him. Everything was so confusing and even though I didn't fully understand the circumstance I still felt betrayed at my core. Kaworu was an angel...the very thing I'm fighting against. _

_At the end I found him again, waiting for me with a smile on his lips and pure grace in his eyes. His stare was like crimson kindness and I just couldn't pull myself away. I just couldn't hate him._

_I grabbed hold of his body with Unit 1 and held him for a while, noticing for the first time the ring of light that surrounded him, different from his A.T. field. He must have put that down on purpose, yet he radiated a different kind of light on his own. And still, he looked back at me with merciful awe that I wasn't sure I even deserved. He radiated a warm glow in Unit 1's hand that I felt through my own skin. It was warm, it was nice, and it pulsated an energy through me that felt sort of like forgiveness but more like someone saying "It's ok" over and over again. _

"_Thank you, Shinji." Kaworu's voice was in my ear. "I had hoped that you would stop Unit 2 for me."_

_For him?_

"_Otherwise, I may have been able to live on alongside her," he said._

"_Kaworu, why-"_

"_It's my fate. It dictates that I live on. Even if mankind perishes as a result." What was he saying? What fate? _

_All the while, I was frozen inside Unit 1 and I could see and hear nothing but his words. "But I can die here if I want. Life and death hold equal value to me."_

_At that, my heart sunk a little deeper. Fear crept into the tips of my fingers and I felt my grasp on him tighten on instinct. He wasn't afraid to die-not in the slightest._

"_Choosing to die is the one absolute freedom," he continued. Inside my own mind the fear of death seemed to do nothing but tether me to the reality I hated... yet to him death is his wings-the liberator of the present moment. The logic of which made me tremble. _

"_But, what does that mean? K-Kaworu you're scaring me-I don't understand why you're saying this!" My voice started to waver, anger diminishing, tears rising behind my eyes, because deep down I understood. _

"_They're my last words. Now go ahead and destroy me." He spoke so simply, so kindly, like he would do this over again in a heartbeat. _

_I was silenced._

"_If you don't, you and your kind will disappear. Only one lifeform can avoid extinction and be granted a future." He paused. His eyes shimmering as he spoke. "And you're not someone who ought to die."_

_My whole body shook and I could barely maintain Unit 1's grasp on him anymore. The trembling in my chest travelled up to my head and outward in a cascade of tears. I couldn't do this...not to Kaworu... not to him…_

"_You need a future." My breath hitched and I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. I couldn't bear to watch the kindness in his eyes grow brighter or his halo of light grow warmer. I wanted more than anything to forget this moment._

"_Thank you. I'm happy that I met you." _

_Kaworu wanted me to kill him. _Facts are facts, just accept it, _Misato's words echoed through my head as a reminder. He wanted this. He wanted me to do this. I had to do this-everyone was depending on me. If I didn't end him now then…_

_He's an angel. He's angel. He's an angel. He's not my friend. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. I have to do this. And still…_

_I closed my fist completely and Unit 1 followed. His light flickered until it bled out._

"_I wish I could go with you…" I whispered into the new layer of darkness that contaminated my heart. _

My hand stung. I opened my eyes and found myself in the infirmary alone. My fist was bandaged and still bleeding through the gauze. On the nightstand to my right was something that looked like the packaging of a prescription drug, but with the addition of the Nerv logo and my name written beneath a bar code.

Inside was the same blue pill.


End file.
